I first learned about Chanukah in my small school in the Ukraine where Jewish Culture was our favorite class.

The concept of "God" was presented to us gently, and so naturally that we didn’t doubt His existence. G-d appeared as a main character in exciting stories about our nation - why shouldn't we believe in Him? My belief in G-d was firm, naive, and free of doubts - until I moved to the U.S. and attended public school.

I miss those days. I felt so accepted, so belonging to my own nation. I didn’t ask myself difficult questions as "What is a Jew?" I ‘knew,’ just as I knew to honor the mezuzah on the door by touching it lightly.

What made Judaism so enjoyable were the young Lubavitch teachers from NYC, who knew enough Russian to communicate with us. The girls, no older than 20, were nice, gentle, fun, and turned learning into games, which made it easier to absorb the material. They told us Torah and midrash stories. Some had thick American accents, and we would help them out when they were at a loss for a Russian word.

The holidays were associated with fun. Before Passover, we baked and ate matzah. They showed the girls how to light Shabbat candles. And before Chanukah they gave us menorahs, candles, dreidels, taught us blessings, and the miracle of the oil that lasted for eight days.

I mean, how can you not enjoy a Festival of Lights? The name is associated with warmth, comfort, and hope. I felt really special, having a menorah to come home to, whereas the Gentile children didn't. I didn't look down on them, I just was happy that I had such a great tradition that connected me to other Jews.

The magic ended when I came to the U.S, where we couldn't afford a good yeshiva and I faced the public school reality. Other children's cynical comments rubbed off; I lost the innocence of my mind, associating with people who held nothing sacred. During a history class about Nazi atrocities during the Holocaust some girls laughed at the idea of lamps made of human skin. I got mad and asked them what's so funny; one girl told me that America is a free country, and if I don't like it I can go back where I came from. Jewish holidays lost their appeal, as I brushed away the stories as lies and myths, attempts by the religious authorities to subjugate the uneducated Jews.

My parents kept up with holidays and traditions while being part of a community, but in the U.S. they became absorbed with learning the new English language and finding their place in a new society. Little by little we stopped celebrating the holidays.

One day, I was shocked when I turned on the TV and heard the presenter telling the familiar story of Chanukah. She proceeded to relate the amazing victory of the Maccabees over the Seleucids. The narration stopped me in my tracks. My eyes were opened. Whoa, there! So some of what I learned was actually true! No way! No way... She must be making it up... It couldn't have happened... It's all a myth...

That year, I indulged in Jewish history. After suggestions by my father, I finally got my hands on Josephus's Antiquities of the Jews and read it through. I was surprised to find that although the text seemed archaic, the account was fresh and fascinating, in many ways very personal, as the writer wrote the history for himself. The Maccabees’ story was fascinating. I was astounded that no one had adapted the episode into a movie, not even the Israelis. My gosh, Israelis complain of losing the propaganda war; I thought- they have no right to kvetch with ancestors like these!

Reading the complex accounts of the Maccabees royal dynasty’s political intrigue, patriotism and war, I was filled with pride for my nation, the nation which greets and bids farewell with a gentle "Peace," but which can also stand up for itself and its values.

Yet, for years after reading about the miraculous victory, I did no more to celebrate Chanukah than before. My family made it our habit to leave for a vacation this time of the year.

What changed? Why are we celebrating Chanukah for the first time in the U.S. this year? How is it that my mother made her famous latkes, specifically today, with a good dollop of sour cream as is our family's tradition? What made her run out to buy a box of donuts? What made us light the candles? What made her think of more oily food ideas for the next few days? Why are we getting into Chanukah all of a sudden, when even the Intifada attacks had not moved us so previously?

It's surprising, considering that Chanukah isn’t our most "important" holiday. It's surprising, considering that no one's standing over our heads, shaming us into embracing Tradition. It's surprising, considering that our family is no longer what it once was. Perhaps, when you have moved as far away from your own as your heart allows you to, when everything, even your own family, seems to fall apart, when you have nothing to lose - something calls you back. What is it, if not the sense of unity and warmth that the Chanukah candles shine to us? What is it, if not the sense of returning home?