With all the discussion about vouchers to help defray parochial education costs, many are still philosophically opposed to the day-school concept. As a day school parent, I’ve received my share of flack for choosing to educate my children Jewishly.

To some, it's not fashionable to have a child spend half their day learning about Judaism; it's provincial, almost un-American. Others confided that they’d be embarrassed by their son or daughter carrying a book with Hebrew writing on the cover.

My kids joke that local suburban schools yearbooks look like GAP advertisements–filled with blonde haired middle-class kids wearing chinos. Interspersed among the pictures of the white, gentile children are Jewish students, one or two African Americans and three or four Asians. Many parents say they prefer sending their progeny to public schools so they can encounter a diverse peer group. A noble and democratic ideal. Why then do these families flock to schools where almost everyone is white, living in four bedroom colonials with two and a half bathrooms and two car garages?

Over the years, my children have met poor, immigrant students from the former Soviet Union, Israeli children whose parents were born in places like Yemen and Morocco and even black Jews from the southern States. Their backgrounds were colorful and varied. This particular argument against day- schools would be more credible if they actually sent their kids to schools where they might experience people from different cultures and lower socioeconomic levels.

Others claim that day-schools don’t reflect their religious values because they don't observe kashruth and/or Shabbat in their own homes. I wonder if those people who are concerned that their children are exposed to Jewish teachings that they don't feel are applicable to them also worry about their kids being exposed to Xmas trees and Easter bunnies. Why is it acceptable to learn about Christian rituals when they are not practiced in your home? There’s a certain amount of guilt here. If the children don't learn about critical aspects of Jewish life–then they can't question their parents on why they don't observe them.

On the other hand, if the kids ask why they don't put up a Xmas tree–the parents can self-righteously say – "because we're Jewish." On the other hand, I’ve met nonreligious and non-Catholic Christians who send their kids to Catholic school and don't worry about the religious aspect, they actually welcome it. They want their kids to learn discipline and Christian values. Why shouldn't Jews feel the same way? Maybe there is something about Jewish self-hatred here.

Some worry that their children will know more about Judaism than they do. How will they be able to help them with their Hebrew or Bible homework? The truth is–hopefully–they won't be able to. Their kids will know a great deal more than they. Most likely, these same parents won't be able to assist their kids with the new math or their computer assignments either. It may be frustrating for the moment–but in the long run it fills parents with pride when junior surpasses them. They realize that their children will have to live in another world and will need to know more and different things than their parents to be successful.

Somehow, the same doesn't carry through for Judaic studies. Parents seem threatened when kids know more than they. As this generation of kids grows up, they will be increasingly assimilated into the culture and to be successful as Jews, they will need to know more.

"Our children need to learn to live in the real world," is a popular lament among day-school detractors. On a practical level, the proof is in the pudding. Countless day-school graduates make the transition easily into "a real world." These alumni see Judaism as a pro-active, rather than a negative experience. Being Jewish doesn't mean that "we don't celebrate Xmas," being Jewish means we have a Seder and we build a sukkah. Most don't view themselves as Jews in terms of what they are not relative to the Christian majority–but relative to their own three thousand year Jewish history and culture. They live in the real world seen through a Jewish lens.

Others are concerned that their children won't have the time to devote to other interests and passions. It's usual for Jewish parents to devote countless numbers of hours (not to mention sums of money) to enable their child to master the tuba or complete an axle on ice skates. Realistically, most parents don't believe their child will be a virtuoso or an Olympic athlete. In fact, these avocations often don’t last into adulthood. However, they are willing to help their child pursue something that will enrich their lives–at least for the moment.

It is also true that most Jewish parents would like their children to (at the very least) find Jewish spouses, belong to a synagogue and have Bar or Bat Mitzvahs for their kids. Most Jews would like to have Jewish grandchildren. Parents will not be brokenhearted if their child can't play the tuba, but they will shed tears if their child marries in a church. So why invest all their energies into their children's development as a tuba player or an ice skater than as a Jew?