by Miriam Karp

“If I’m only for myself, what am I?”
(Hillel in Avot 1)

Repeating these classic words by the famous Talmudic sage is easy, while forming actual attitudes is harder.

How do we implant altruism in the "me" generation who have it all and want it faster, easier, and glitzier via internet, cable, cell phone, MTV and game boy?

How can we develop the virtues of caring, helping, giving and enduring awkward situations? How do we empower alienated and frustrated teens to make a difference in their community?

While we’re quoting Ethics of Our Fathers vis a vis social issues, here’s another issue: “Don’t judge a vessel by its outer appearance, but by its content.”

The parent of a special needs child can share countless examples of pain and embarrassment as their kid is stared at and made to feel different and inferior. It is difficult to find friends and social activities where their child feels accepted and valued.

A unique program, the Friendship Circle offers solutions for hundreds of teen volunteers, special needs children and their families. Starting in West Bloomfield, Michigan in 1995 with 8 volunteers, this dynamic organization is now being sponsored by Chabad in twenty cities in New York, New Jersey, California, Florida, Minnesota, Ohio, Pennsylvania and Texas, and in Australia, Turkey, Canada and Brazil.

Friendship Circle pairs special needs children with a volunteer friend and a full range of social and Judaic activities. In the Friends At Home program, volunteers visit and play with the children in their own familiar home environment, sharing friendship and fun through simple activities like reading stories, baking, coloring, going for a walk, playing in the yard. This peer component is often missing for special needs children, as much of their interactions are with adult therapists.

Rochelle Adler experienced the isolation of being different. Her 9 year-old has a seizure disorder and ADHD. "When my son was first diagnosed, I was devastated and in denial. We were bouncing from one school to another and felt very alone. I was having medical issues myself and unable to play with him. At the time, I thought, why not invite Friendship circle? A kind young man showed up at my door and connected beautifully and became a real friend. My son hardly has friends, and he waits anxiously for this special visit!"

Rochelle continues. "This is something we’ve lacked in the Jewish community. It is the first time the community has embraced my child. We never feel uncomfortable or looked at, no one looks twice at a kid melting down, we know we are accepted. Nobody passes judgment, and nothing fazes the Friendship Circle staff, volunteers and participants. Some of these kids can’t do much in the real world, and here they can: horseback riding, summer and winter camp- they get opportunities they don’t have otherwise.”

How about the self-absorbed teens? “Our teens are incredible with these kids- they know little about special needs but just relate with a natural love." The volunteers personally experience the pride and joy of giving. Some end up choosing careers in special education that they never thought relevant. They personally experience the pride and joy of giving. Guided and mentored, the teens aren’t thrown into overwhelming experiences that they can’t handle. And besides for the Mitzvah, they earn prizes, incentives and are rewarded with special trips and activities throughout the year.

The Michigan program has now mushroomed to over 400 volunteers and 175 special needs families, and is appreciated throughout the Detroit Jewish community.